Death, Taxes and Me. The only things you can rely on...

After much deliberation, I've decided I want to get into politics.

This wasn't an easy decision. I'm not the sort of person who wants to do the local politics thing, and I'm quite sick of workplace politics, but I look at the way our central government is run, (Well, let's be serious, it's really only walked.) and think I could make my mark in the history of our nation.

See, when I was but a wee young lad, There was a political party in existence that I looked up to more than any other. A party with visions for this country that were so grand in their scale, ideas so creative and carefully thought-out that I knew I had to vote for them once I was of age.

I speak, of course, of the McGillicuddy Serious Party. No other party has had such wonderful election policies as:-

- Abolishing money, making chocolate fish and sand into legal tender, thus raising the wealth of our entire nation.

- Replacing the Royal New Zealand Armoured Corps with Mounted Knights, in an attempt to modernise out armed forces a little.

- Post-natal abortion, which would make abortion illegal, but any mother would be allowed to kill her child up to the age of 18, provided she did it with her own hands.

- Good weather (but only if voters behaved).

- To break their promises.

These groundbreaking ideas made me realise that there was only one party worth voting for. Sure, Labour and National wanted to cut taxes, like usual, lower unemployment, again, and to spend more money on health and teaching, just like last time.

The political wing of Clan McGillicuddy were far more original, providing solutions to our great country's problems that were from well outside the box.

Okay, in all seriousness, they were a great bit of fun, satirising government just enough that you could look at the serious issues from a different angle. Their party slogan says it all:-

"If you want to waste your vote, vote for us."

Many a time I've sat here looking at the state of things, and come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter which of the big two you vote for, as the results will be about the same. At least, if we live in a democracy, they should be, as the parties should be listening to the people and working in our best interests, right? Surely there can't be two 'best' ways, which happen to be diametrically opposite, to run this nation.

This leaves a quandary, who do you vote for if you can't decide? Well, I guess if you're looking to truly waste your vote, you'd go with New Zealand First, or one of the religious parties. The odds of these people running the nation are right up there with the McGillicuddy's, and the McGillicuddy Serious Party doesn't even exist any more.

But it just isn't the same! If I wanted to vote for a party who have outrageous schemes and stupid ideas, I'd like to vote for one that exists for the sole purpose of having them. I don't want to vote for a 'real' (or 'attempting to be real') party when I can't choose, I want to have a backup, which is why I think it's time to start a new party, with a view to making elections interesting again.

Policy ideas include:-

- Having a potato shoved up your muffler will be part of the warrant of fitness standard, in an effort to keep the noise from boyracer exhausts down. Police will be able to spot an unwarrantable vehicle quite easily, by the fact that it is moving.

- Creating jobs by removing all rubbish receptacles from the nation's sidewalks, meaning people will have to be employed to remove rubbish 24-7, especially in larger cities.

- The abolition of the Maori seats. If Maori want things equal, they can have equal, not extras...

- In an effort to lower teen pregnancy rates, Playstations will be provided to everybody aged 13-19. It takes two to tango, and the playstation will keep the boys too busy...

There are many more visionary ideas in my head, just email me to find out more about the soon-to-be great leader of our nation.