Aftr wht appers 2b vry lil delbrashun, th ppl n chrge of r cuntry hv dcidd 2 allw NCEA studnts to use txt-spk n there exams ths yr. So, as a tst, Im gun c if I cn stll lk lk thrs a brn btwen my ears whle talkng like ths.
Nw, th resun prvded 4 lttng kids do ths s tht txt-spk hs bcum th 2nd lngage o mny teens ova th nation. Lgclly spking, this wud mean th kids hu spk, say, Samoan n Maori as 2nd lngages shud b able 2 use thse lngages in thr exams. But wht if the markr don't spk ther lngage? Theyd b prtty scrood.
Nxt thng, txt-spk is quite n ntrstng lngage. A tru phonetic lngage, wth a mnmlistc qualty not prsnt n in mst lngages. Dne properly (whch I'll admt, I'm not.) it's quite ez to undrstand, as nly carflly chsn lttrs r rmvd frm th wrds, 2 mke it easir 2 read.
Th trble is, thr r many ppl tryn 2 use txt-spk hu dnt no th basics of splling, nd rmve th rng lttrs, rsltng in a mss o randm incnprhnsble crp. Hw do thy xcpct rspct frm the ppl markng thr exms whn all thre doin is shwin tht thy cnt spk basc Nglsh?
Th wrst thng is tht txt-spk, whle a gr8 way to sve tm whn u hv 9 kys 2 spll wth, is qute slw 2 wrte wth. 100's of yrs hve gone behnd dvlpng th Nglsh lngage, nd it wrks quite wll thnku.
Nw, I wrk wth a lt of kids tkng xms ths yr, nd hvnt fnd 1 yt hu thnks ths is a gud idea. Thy hv bsclly sed tht if thy fnd out tht 1 of their m8s hd usd txt-spk n thr xms, thy'd lose all rspct frm thm. So, if evry1's agnst th idea, hu th hell came up wth it?
So kids, if u wanna lk intllgnt in ur xams ths yr, 4 Chrst's ske, BEING INTELLIGENT IS PROBABLY YOUR BEST OPTION!!! LEARN THE BASICS OF YOUR FREAKIN' LANGUAGE!!!
17 November 2006
14 November 2006
Death, Taxes and Me. The only things you can rely on...
After much deliberation, I've decided I want to get into politics.
This wasn't an easy decision. I'm not the sort of person who wants to do the local politics thing, and I'm quite sick of workplace politics, but I look at the way our central government is run, (Well, let's be serious, it's really only walked.) and think I could make my mark in the history of our nation.
See, when I was but a wee young lad, There was a political party in existence that I looked up to more than any other. A party with visions for this country that were so grand in their scale, ideas so creative and carefully thought-out that I knew I had to vote for them once I was of age.
I speak, of course, of the McGillicuddy Serious Party. No other party has had such wonderful election policies as:-
- Abolishing money, making chocolate fish and sand into legal tender, thus raising the wealth of our entire nation.
- Replacing the Royal New Zealand Armoured Corps with Mounted Knights, in an attempt to modernise out armed forces a little.
- Post-natal abortion, which would make abortion illegal, but any mother would be allowed to kill her child up to the age of 18, provided she did it with her own hands.
- Good weather (but only if voters behaved).
- To break their promises.
These groundbreaking ideas made me realise that there was only one party worth voting for. Sure, Labour and National wanted to cut taxes, like usual, lower unemployment, again, and to spend more money on health and teaching, just like last time.
The political wing of Clan McGillicuddy were far more original, providing solutions to our great country's problems that were from well outside the box.
Okay, in all seriousness, they were a great bit of fun, satirising government just enough that you could look at the serious issues from a different angle. Their party slogan says it all:-
"If you want to waste your vote, vote for us."
Many a time I've sat here looking at the state of things, and come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter which of the big two you vote for, as the results will be about the same. At least, if we live in a democracy, they should be, as the parties should be listening to the people and working in our best interests, right? Surely there can't be two 'best' ways, which happen to be diametrically opposite, to run this nation.
This leaves a quandary, who do you vote for if you can't decide? Well, I guess if you're looking to truly waste your vote, you'd go with New Zealand First, or one of the religious parties. The odds of these people running the nation are right up there with the McGillicuddy's, and the McGillicuddy Serious Party doesn't even exist any more.
But it just isn't the same! If I wanted to vote for a party who have outrageous schemes and stupid ideas, I'd like to vote for one that exists for the sole purpose of having them. I don't want to vote for a 'real' (or 'attempting to be real') party when I can't choose, I want to have a backup, which is why I think it's time to start a new party, with a view to making elections interesting again.
Policy ideas include:-
- Having a potato shoved up your muffler will be part of the warrant of fitness standard, in an effort to keep the noise from boyracer exhausts down. Police will be able to spot an unwarrantable vehicle quite easily, by the fact that it is moving.
- Creating jobs by removing all rubbish receptacles from the nation's sidewalks, meaning people will have to be employed to remove rubbish 24-7, especially in larger cities.
- The abolition of the Maori seats. If Maori want things equal, they can have equal, not extras...
- In an effort to lower teen pregnancy rates, Playstations will be provided to everybody aged 13-19. It takes two to tango, and the playstation will keep the boys too busy...
There are many more visionary ideas in my head, just email me to find out more about the soon-to-be great leader of our nation.
This wasn't an easy decision. I'm not the sort of person who wants to do the local politics thing, and I'm quite sick of workplace politics, but I look at the way our central government is run, (Well, let's be serious, it's really only walked.) and think I could make my mark in the history of our nation.
See, when I was but a wee young lad, There was a political party in existence that I looked up to more than any other. A party with visions for this country that were so grand in their scale, ideas so creative and carefully thought-out that I knew I had to vote for them once I was of age.
I speak, of course, of the McGillicuddy Serious Party. No other party has had such wonderful election policies as:-
- Abolishing money, making chocolate fish and sand into legal tender, thus raising the wealth of our entire nation.
- Replacing the Royal New Zealand Armoured Corps with Mounted Knights, in an attempt to modernise out armed forces a little.
- Post-natal abortion, which would make abortion illegal, but any mother would be allowed to kill her child up to the age of 18, provided she did it with her own hands.
- Good weather (but only if voters behaved).
- To break their promises.
These groundbreaking ideas made me realise that there was only one party worth voting for. Sure, Labour and National wanted to cut taxes, like usual, lower unemployment, again, and to spend more money on health and teaching, just like last time.
The political wing of Clan McGillicuddy were far more original, providing solutions to our great country's problems that were from well outside the box.
Okay, in all seriousness, they were a great bit of fun, satirising government just enough that you could look at the serious issues from a different angle. Their party slogan says it all:-
"If you want to waste your vote, vote for us."
Many a time I've sat here looking at the state of things, and come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter which of the big two you vote for, as the results will be about the same. At least, if we live in a democracy, they should be, as the parties should be listening to the people and working in our best interests, right? Surely there can't be two 'best' ways, which happen to be diametrically opposite, to run this nation.
This leaves a quandary, who do you vote for if you can't decide? Well, I guess if you're looking to truly waste your vote, you'd go with New Zealand First, or one of the religious parties. The odds of these people running the nation are right up there with the McGillicuddy's, and the McGillicuddy Serious Party doesn't even exist any more.
But it just isn't the same! If I wanted to vote for a party who have outrageous schemes and stupid ideas, I'd like to vote for one that exists for the sole purpose of having them. I don't want to vote for a 'real' (or 'attempting to be real') party when I can't choose, I want to have a backup, which is why I think it's time to start a new party, with a view to making elections interesting again.
Policy ideas include:-
- Having a potato shoved up your muffler will be part of the warrant of fitness standard, in an effort to keep the noise from boyracer exhausts down. Police will be able to spot an unwarrantable vehicle quite easily, by the fact that it is moving.
- Creating jobs by removing all rubbish receptacles from the nation's sidewalks, meaning people will have to be employed to remove rubbish 24-7, especially in larger cities.
- The abolition of the Maori seats. If Maori want things equal, they can have equal, not extras...
- In an effort to lower teen pregnancy rates, Playstations will be provided to everybody aged 13-19. It takes two to tango, and the playstation will keep the boys too busy...
There are many more visionary ideas in my head, just email me to find out more about the soon-to-be great leader of our nation.
New Species Discovered!
This individual is classed as an Admissibly Sentient Soul. A classic ASS can be defined better as one who is only just concious enough of the world around him to survive.
The inability of an ASS to notice the feelings of those around him often leads him to say things that can offend and disgust these people who he would usually refer to as 'friends' but these 'friends' have learned to take this sort of thing from him, and have learned that the ASS doesn't mind a taste of his own medicine.
This particular ASS is known colloquially as a 'lazy' ASS, due to his rather sloth-like nature and general inability to do anything in a hurry. His habitat has been perfectly designed for this, with both TV remote and computer keyboard within easy reach of his bed. But for sustenence, this creature of the night must hunt...
The hunting ground (known to the local tribesmen as 'The Fridge' is filled with the rotting corpses of his dead victims, and the ASS can take considerable amounts of time to find a meal that is fresh enough for his liking. This is a long and arduous process for this lazy ASS, but is rewarding in the end,and soon he settles down to feast on a lesser creature known as 'Pizza'
Some researchers have chosen to add another classification for this particular ASS, being the lazy 'good-for-nothing' ASS. These researchers have failed to see the lazy Ass' place in the evolutionary tree and feel that the species maybe extinct within a very short time, should he find a suitable mate, as an interesting quirk of the species is that once a female human has bonded emotionally with the ASS, he metamorphoses into a FELLA or 'Fully Evolved Life-Loving Animal'
This new creature is charming, friendly, generally loveable, and reciprocates any positive emotions that come its way, tenfold if they come from the human female who chose to take a chance on him when he was nothing more than a lazy good for nothing ass...
(Actually, I'm not that bad, but it sounded funny and I just rolled with the whole David Attenborough vibe... Worked out pretty well actually...)
The inability of an ASS to notice the feelings of those around him often leads him to say things that can offend and disgust these people who he would usually refer to as 'friends' but these 'friends' have learned to take this sort of thing from him, and have learned that the ASS doesn't mind a taste of his own medicine.
This particular ASS is known colloquially as a 'lazy' ASS, due to his rather sloth-like nature and general inability to do anything in a hurry. His habitat has been perfectly designed for this, with both TV remote and computer keyboard within easy reach of his bed. But for sustenence, this creature of the night must hunt...
The hunting ground (known to the local tribesmen as 'The Fridge' is filled with the rotting corpses of his dead victims, and the ASS can take considerable amounts of time to find a meal that is fresh enough for his liking. This is a long and arduous process for this lazy ASS, but is rewarding in the end,and soon he settles down to feast on a lesser creature known as 'Pizza'
Some researchers have chosen to add another classification for this particular ASS, being the lazy 'good-for-nothing' ASS. These researchers have failed to see the lazy Ass' place in the evolutionary tree and feel that the species maybe extinct within a very short time, should he find a suitable mate, as an interesting quirk of the species is that once a female human has bonded emotionally with the ASS, he metamorphoses into a FELLA or 'Fully Evolved Life-Loving Animal'
This new creature is charming, friendly, generally loveable, and reciprocates any positive emotions that come its way, tenfold if they come from the human female who chose to take a chance on him when he was nothing more than a lazy good for nothing ass...
(Actually, I'm not that bad, but it sounded funny and I just rolled with the whole David Attenborough vibe... Worked out pretty well actually...)
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