An attempt to fulfill the many requests I've received thus far.
26 May 2007
13 May 2007
6 May 2007
Marton - Umm, Intriguing
So, I'm sure some of you are wondering how life in Marton's going for me.
Well, I feel this picture gives the gist of things.
Yes, that's a brick on top of some newspapers. The writing says "Please take one and pay inside at the office" or words to that effect. I would've hung around long enough to memorise them, but quite frankly, I was a little scared by the whole thing.
At the same time, the more I look around, the more I'm finding places that are very Parkour-friendly. A perfect example is these three buildings.
They're the perfect height and distance apart that jumping between them in quick succession doesn't leave you with broken legs, but there's one problem with this particular run. The building on the far right happens to be a bank. For some reason, it's usually quite difficult to get onto the roof of these places - all sorts of security devices laying around - and if you do get there, hanging around for any length of time is not a good idea. You either make that first jump, or have a lot of explaining to do.
Other than that, there's very little in the town. We have a movie theatre, but all they play is those annyoing artsy films that nobody really cares about, and we have a skatepark, which, like all skateparks, is populated by annoying teenagers who generally just get in the way. There's a fairl large number of pubs, which seems to be the only form of entertainment around for people my age, but the whole 'zero income' thing sort of lowers the appeal a little.
So now, I'm figuring out how to get the hell out of this town, as quickly as possible.
Well, I feel this picture gives the gist of things.
Yes, that's a brick on top of some newspapers. The writing says "Please take one and pay inside at the office" or words to that effect. I would've hung around long enough to memorise them, but quite frankly, I was a little scared by the whole thing.
At the same time, the more I look around, the more I'm finding places that are very Parkour-friendly. A perfect example is these three buildings.
They're the perfect height and distance apart that jumping between them in quick succession doesn't leave you with broken legs, but there's one problem with this particular run. The building on the far right happens to be a bank. For some reason, it's usually quite difficult to get onto the roof of these places - all sorts of security devices laying around - and if you do get there, hanging around for any length of time is not a good idea. You either make that first jump, or have a lot of explaining to do.
Other than that, there's very little in the town. We have a movie theatre, but all they play is those annyoing artsy films that nobody really cares about, and we have a skatepark, which, like all skateparks, is populated by annoying teenagers who generally just get in the way. There's a fairl large number of pubs, which seems to be the only form of entertainment around for people my age, but the whole 'zero income' thing sort of lowers the appeal a little.
So now, I'm figuring out how to get the hell out of this town, as quickly as possible.
4 May 2007
Games for the Unemployed
Johnny D's Unemployment Survival Guide:
Chapter One - Not Being Bored.
Some people think that being unemployed is easy. People working 9-5's are jealous that you have the whole day to yourself, and shift workers are jealous that you get your weekends. This, unluckily, leaves you with a LOT of time to fill in, and very little money to use to fill in the time. Today, I'll offer a selection of activities you can use to entertain yourself.
Trash Collecting: Not in the "Let's tidy up" sense, but more of a "stamp collector" style. Go for rarity and quality - finding a soft drink cup from an out-of-town fast food joint is a great treasure. Items in pristine condition should go on the mantelpiece.
Cigarette Stashing: For the unemployed smoker. Take one of the empty cigarette packets you've collected in the previous activity, and hit the streets. Go up to people you don't know, and ask if they have a spare cigarette. When one is offered, thank them politely, light it, wait until they've moved out of sight, then stub it out and put it in the pack. Rules are that you can't ask the same person twice, and nobody who's seen you ask for one cigarette may see you ask for another. Extra points based on your success percentage
Booze Bonanza: Go to a bar that you don't regularly attend, somewhere where you're unknown. See if you can get enough free drinks from people you've never met to get you drunk. Don't stop when you're tipsy, try and get as wasted as you can. While this particular game gives female unemployees a bit of an advantage, men may find themselves more competitive by visiting a gay bar.
Parkour: A sport that involves no equipment other than a good pair of shoes. It is the art of moving through a space as efficiently as possible, using the environment to aid your motion, rather than being hindered by it. Practice by competing with the security guard at your local supermarket.
Staring contests: Fun for people of all ages. if you find that the people you know are not enough of a challenge for you (or are at work when you're bored), start having staring contests against animals. If you can stare down a cat, then move onto inanimate objects. Looking for a really tough opponent? Try and see who blinks first - you or the Sun.
Clean The House: If your house is clean, then consider breaking into someone else's house and cleaning it for them. Just make sure that you don't accidentally slip in the word 'out' when describing your activities to the police when they arrive.
Cloud watching: Similar to the 'Trash Collecting' activity, in that we're going for quality items here - clouds that REALLY LOOK like things. Of course, you'll never be able to share these with anyone, as you sold your camera to pay the rent about three weeks back, but at least you will have seen them.
March On Central Government: Surprisingly, if you pick something that people care about, and let people know that you intend to do it, they may be willing to donate money to your cause, which you can slip into your back pocket when nobody's looking. Doesn't work so well if you live in the capital, as distance is required to make any real money. Make sure you use placards to indicate your hatred for whatever policy you've chosen to hate.
Sex: Not something I personally would do just for entertainment purposes, I figure an emotional attachment is an important thing in this matter, but hell, I figure it's what all the kids are doing nowadays. Obviously, if you're unemployed, hookers are out of the question, so you'll probably have to work on getting a girl/boyfriend. If you already have one, then this task just got a lot easier.
I hope these tips go some way to easing the pangs of boredom next time you find yourself unemployed. Stay tuned for Chapter Two: How To Live On A Dollar A Day.
Chapter One - Not Being Bored.
Some people think that being unemployed is easy. People working 9-5's are jealous that you have the whole day to yourself, and shift workers are jealous that you get your weekends. This, unluckily, leaves you with a LOT of time to fill in, and very little money to use to fill in the time. Today, I'll offer a selection of activities you can use to entertain yourself.
Trash Collecting: Not in the "Let's tidy up" sense, but more of a "stamp collector" style. Go for rarity and quality - finding a soft drink cup from an out-of-town fast food joint is a great treasure. Items in pristine condition should go on the mantelpiece.
Cigarette Stashing: For the unemployed smoker. Take one of the empty cigarette packets you've collected in the previous activity, and hit the streets. Go up to people you don't know, and ask if they have a spare cigarette. When one is offered, thank them politely, light it, wait until they've moved out of sight, then stub it out and put it in the pack. Rules are that you can't ask the same person twice, and nobody who's seen you ask for one cigarette may see you ask for another. Extra points based on your success percentage
Booze Bonanza: Go to a bar that you don't regularly attend, somewhere where you're unknown. See if you can get enough free drinks from people you've never met to get you drunk. Don't stop when you're tipsy, try and get as wasted as you can. While this particular game gives female unemployees a bit of an advantage, men may find themselves more competitive by visiting a gay bar.
Parkour: A sport that involves no equipment other than a good pair of shoes. It is the art of moving through a space as efficiently as possible, using the environment to aid your motion, rather than being hindered by it. Practice by competing with the security guard at your local supermarket.
Staring contests: Fun for people of all ages. if you find that the people you know are not enough of a challenge for you (or are at work when you're bored), start having staring contests against animals. If you can stare down a cat, then move onto inanimate objects. Looking for a really tough opponent? Try and see who blinks first - you or the Sun.
Clean The House: If your house is clean, then consider breaking into someone else's house and cleaning it for them. Just make sure that you don't accidentally slip in the word 'out' when describing your activities to the police when they arrive.
Cloud watching: Similar to the 'Trash Collecting' activity, in that we're going for quality items here - clouds that REALLY LOOK like things. Of course, you'll never be able to share these with anyone, as you sold your camera to pay the rent about three weeks back, but at least you will have seen them.
March On Central Government: Surprisingly, if you pick something that people care about, and let people know that you intend to do it, they may be willing to donate money to your cause, which you can slip into your back pocket when nobody's looking. Doesn't work so well if you live in the capital, as distance is required to make any real money. Make sure you use placards to indicate your hatred for whatever policy you've chosen to hate.
Sex: Not something I personally would do just for entertainment purposes, I figure an emotional attachment is an important thing in this matter, but hell, I figure it's what all the kids are doing nowadays. Obviously, if you're unemployed, hookers are out of the question, so you'll probably have to work on getting a girl/boyfriend. If you already have one, then this task just got a lot easier.
I hope these tips go some way to easing the pangs of boredom next time you find yourself unemployed. Stay tuned for Chapter Two: How To Live On A Dollar A Day.
3 May 2007
I have a dilemma.
Again. It's becoming a bad habit of mine.
I recently stumbled upon an address. Well, I didn't so much stumble upon it as realise that I had access to it and did a quick look to see if I could find it - either way, I found an address. This address belongs to somebody I've spent a long time (coming up on the third year, now) wanting to apologise to. The basic story is that I tried to be witty around her (I had a little bit of a crush on her) and messed up badly. I was scared, and didn't think straight, and spent a long time basically being quite offensive, and definitely creepy.
So now I have her address. I'd like to mail her a letter telling her how I didn't want to upset her (quite the opposite actually) and that I'm very sorry for all the trouble I caused back when, but I fear that I may have been forgotten as time rolls on. If she's forgotten about my transgressions, I certainly don't want to remind her of them, but I feel she deserves the apology.
To this day, whenever I look at a girl and think about whether or not I'd like to date her, I still compare them to Brenda (name obviously changed, for privacy reasons) and have yet to this day to find somebody who could capture my attention the way this woman did. She was beautiful beyond all belief, but was as kind and gentle as could be. Removing her heart and distilling it couldn't make it any more pure. This woman was simply perfection, yet somehow that word doesn't quite describe her.
And now I have her address right in front of me.
I'm scared. I've wanted little more for 2 years than to apologise to her, and now that I have the means to do so, I'm worried that I'll just be ignored, or worse, hated more as she remembers all the trash I talked. I know what I should do, but that doesn't make this any easier.
I guess I'll just procrastinate some more over it, let it slip for another six months, then think about it some more. Maybe by then I'll at least have the letter typed up.
I recently stumbled upon an address. Well, I didn't so much stumble upon it as realise that I had access to it and did a quick look to see if I could find it - either way, I found an address. This address belongs to somebody I've spent a long time (coming up on the third year, now) wanting to apologise to. The basic story is that I tried to be witty around her (I had a little bit of a crush on her) and messed up badly. I was scared, and didn't think straight, and spent a long time basically being quite offensive, and definitely creepy.
So now I have her address. I'd like to mail her a letter telling her how I didn't want to upset her (quite the opposite actually) and that I'm very sorry for all the trouble I caused back when, but I fear that I may have been forgotten as time rolls on. If she's forgotten about my transgressions, I certainly don't want to remind her of them, but I feel she deserves the apology.
To this day, whenever I look at a girl and think about whether or not I'd like to date her, I still compare them to Brenda (name obviously changed, for privacy reasons) and have yet to this day to find somebody who could capture my attention the way this woman did. She was beautiful beyond all belief, but was as kind and gentle as could be. Removing her heart and distilling it couldn't make it any more pure. This woman was simply perfection, yet somehow that word doesn't quite describe her.
And now I have her address right in front of me.
I'm scared. I've wanted little more for 2 years than to apologise to her, and now that I have the means to do so, I'm worried that I'll just be ignored, or worse, hated more as she remembers all the trash I talked. I know what I should do, but that doesn't make this any easier.
I guess I'll just procrastinate some more over it, let it slip for another six months, then think about it some more. Maybe by then I'll at least have the letter typed up.
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